The night we found out we were pregnant with our first was one of those few moments in my life that I will never forget. Before that moment, I'd never have imagined that one little test would leave such an impression on my life, but it did. My spouse and I were pregnant, we had embarked on a new adventure of joint purpose, of family.
We don't live close to family, they are all at least a short flight away. This has is advantages and disadvantages. One of the definite pros though is we have a constant stream of visitors coming and living with us for a week or so. Its really nice.
At the start of 2008, we had my parents staying with us for a week. It was during this week we started to think we may have a little, unplanned bundle of joy on the way. For better or worse, we waited till mum and dad had left before we got that test.
On purchasing a pregnancy test, an amusing series of events unfolded. My partner ducked out into the bathroom and urinated on the stick as per the directions. Having done so, all courage departed and she ran into the living room, buried herself under a pillow and hid from it. She demanding that I go and find out what it had to tell us.
So off I went into the bathroom to check the results. Lo and behold, it came back positive. After taking a moment to absorb the fact, I composed myself and went back into the lounge as straight faced as I could. I tried to draw out the announcement as long as I could, toying with her growing impatience, finally relenting with a humble "Sweetheart, we are going to be parents".
All of a sudden, her confidence returned and she bolted into the bathroom to check the results herself. She couldn't believe it. It really was an amazing few moments. A complete roller-coaster. Which in retrospect was a pretty good introduction to pregnancy generally.
The rest of the night was simply wonderful. We spent at least an hour in the bathroom looking at the little stick, staring at each other in amazement, murmuring quietly "we are going to be parents", "you are going to be a mum", "you are going to be a dad" and the like. Despite the tumultuous beginning, it turned into an evening of softness, joy and intimacy. An experience that never would have been the same if it was shared with others. An experience in which we grew together as a couple, as a family.
I'm glad our first evening was so special. Pretty quickly I realized out that I needed to work to protect these special moments as they popped up. As we started telling our family and friends, I realized that the world is packed with well meaning people, who want to make these moments their own. Further, as I was only the father, I seemed to be expendable in their eyes.
One of my wife's friends even went so far as to interfere with the decision of who would be in our delivery room. She didn't discuss her thoughts with us. No, what she did was call my wife's sister and told her directly that we wanted her to be in the delivery room with us. I'm not sure if I am being naive in believing she had good intentions when doing this, (although, I have no idea what they may have been) however the point is to show you just how inappropriate some women get when "helping" with another families first pregnancy.
We also had people telling us, in their "wisdom and experience", that the advice we were receiving from our doctor was wrong and we should listen to them instead. Naturally, as the father to be, I was excluded from all these conversations. Apparently I wasn't needed in the decision making process.
Your first pregnancy - roller-coaster really is the word. You have such highs, moments of pure bliss, happiness, anticipation and intimacy. Moments which will mean more than anything else you've ever done in your life. For the first time you will create a life.
But they often are tempered by the "well meaning woman", who seems to want to compete with you for ownership of these moments. This for me was especially hard to fathom given she is was one of the people we wanted to share with and talk to about it all. (well, at least until she pushed once too often)
I've talked to many fathers since these days, fathers from three different generations. The one thing that became absolutely clear to me was the well meaning woman is not new. She has existed forever, always lurking behind some skirt ready to interfere in someone else's family. She could be a best friend, she could be you mother in law, she could even be your Mum. No matter whose face she wears, she probably already exists in your life.
I found the well meaning woman really impacted us in 2 areas. I learned pretty quick that it was important for me as the father to be, to protect our family from her influences in two areas particularly. If you are facing similar difficulties today, you may want to pay particular attention to these things.
Firstly, you need to protect your right to trust the medical information your health professionals are giving you. You need to make people aware that within your family, opinions on medical matters are off limits to them.
Secondly we found that we were second guessing the decisions we had mad as a couple because of all the naysayers telling us they'd do it differently. We gradually learned that that probably the most important things a couple can bring to their pregnancy and the birth of their children, are their own instincts. Other mothers' instincts and ideas were great for their pregnancies and births, but every single one is unique. And there are only two people who know what is best for your unique pregnancy and that is you and your partner. No-one else's opinion is appropriate. You need to protect your family from other people's opinions undermining the trust you have in your own instincts and those of your spouse.
So, as a father to be, if you find yourself confronted by the "Well Meaning Woman", you are certainly not the first, and will not be the last. Good luck with it and remember, even though these people will make you feel like you know less, 99% of the time your insticts will be spot on.
We don't live close to family, they are all at least a short flight away. This has is advantages and disadvantages. One of the definite pros though is we have a constant stream of visitors coming and living with us for a week or so. Its really nice.
At the start of 2008, we had my parents staying with us for a week. It was during this week we started to think we may have a little, unplanned bundle of joy on the way. For better or worse, we waited till mum and dad had left before we got that test.
On purchasing a pregnancy test, an amusing series of events unfolded. My partner ducked out into the bathroom and urinated on the stick as per the directions. Having done so, all courage departed and she ran into the living room, buried herself under a pillow and hid from it. She demanding that I go and find out what it had to tell us.
So off I went into the bathroom to check the results. Lo and behold, it came back positive. After taking a moment to absorb the fact, I composed myself and went back into the lounge as straight faced as I could. I tried to draw out the announcement as long as I could, toying with her growing impatience, finally relenting with a humble "Sweetheart, we are going to be parents".
All of a sudden, her confidence returned and she bolted into the bathroom to check the results herself. She couldn't believe it. It really was an amazing few moments. A complete roller-coaster. Which in retrospect was a pretty good introduction to pregnancy generally.
The rest of the night was simply wonderful. We spent at least an hour in the bathroom looking at the little stick, staring at each other in amazement, murmuring quietly "we are going to be parents", "you are going to be a mum", "you are going to be a dad" and the like. Despite the tumultuous beginning, it turned into an evening of softness, joy and intimacy. An experience that never would have been the same if it was shared with others. An experience in which we grew together as a couple, as a family.
I'm glad our first evening was so special. Pretty quickly I realized out that I needed to work to protect these special moments as they popped up. As we started telling our family and friends, I realized that the world is packed with well meaning people, who want to make these moments their own. Further, as I was only the father, I seemed to be expendable in their eyes.
One of my wife's friends even went so far as to interfere with the decision of who would be in our delivery room. She didn't discuss her thoughts with us. No, what she did was call my wife's sister and told her directly that we wanted her to be in the delivery room with us. I'm not sure if I am being naive in believing she had good intentions when doing this, (although, I have no idea what they may have been) however the point is to show you just how inappropriate some women get when "helping" with another families first pregnancy.
We also had people telling us, in their "wisdom and experience", that the advice we were receiving from our doctor was wrong and we should listen to them instead. Naturally, as the father to be, I was excluded from all these conversations. Apparently I wasn't needed in the decision making process.
Your first pregnancy - roller-coaster really is the word. You have such highs, moments of pure bliss, happiness, anticipation and intimacy. Moments which will mean more than anything else you've ever done in your life. For the first time you will create a life.
But they often are tempered by the "well meaning woman", who seems to want to compete with you for ownership of these moments. This for me was especially hard to fathom given she is was one of the people we wanted to share with and talk to about it all. (well, at least until she pushed once too often)
I've talked to many fathers since these days, fathers from three different generations. The one thing that became absolutely clear to me was the well meaning woman is not new. She has existed forever, always lurking behind some skirt ready to interfere in someone else's family. She could be a best friend, she could be you mother in law, she could even be your Mum. No matter whose face she wears, she probably already exists in your life.
I found the well meaning woman really impacted us in 2 areas. I learned pretty quick that it was important for me as the father to be, to protect our family from her influences in two areas particularly. If you are facing similar difficulties today, you may want to pay particular attention to these things.
Firstly, you need to protect your right to trust the medical information your health professionals are giving you. You need to make people aware that within your family, opinions on medical matters are off limits to them.
Secondly we found that we were second guessing the decisions we had mad as a couple because of all the naysayers telling us they'd do it differently. We gradually learned that that probably the most important things a couple can bring to their pregnancy and the birth of their children, are their own instincts. Other mothers' instincts and ideas were great for their pregnancies and births, but every single one is unique. And there are only two people who know what is best for your unique pregnancy and that is you and your partner. No-one else's opinion is appropriate. You need to protect your family from other people's opinions undermining the trust you have in your own instincts and those of your spouse.
So, as a father to be, if you find yourself confronted by the "Well Meaning Woman", you are certainly not the first, and will not be the last. Good luck with it and remember, even though these people will make you feel like you know less, 99% of the time your insticts will be spot on.
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Baby high chairs are an essential element of any child's growth. Damian Papworth knows Evenflo high chairs are one of the superior brands on the market.
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